Screwed.edu
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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