Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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