I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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