i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
