the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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