that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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