Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Randomize
