he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
