He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
