He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
