There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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