i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
