I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
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