I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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