Fine. I'll sleep in my office
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
