I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Dear god my vagina.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
