I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
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