if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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