My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Randomize
