i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
