I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
You're my little dorito
smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
