I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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