I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Randomize
