Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
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