the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Randomize
