Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
