i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
