I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
