I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
