Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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