This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
