There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
