So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
