He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
