Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
