guys are not supposed to queef...right?
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Randomize
