Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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