You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
she told me i tasted like america
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
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