you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
