all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
