His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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