i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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