I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
