Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
