We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I'm just crazy horny about you
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I am never drinking with the goths again.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
There are leaves in my underwear?
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
