Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Randomize
