i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
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