Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
