Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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