I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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