I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
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