if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
