my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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