That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
