Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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