My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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