we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize