hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
