I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
