I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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