Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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