new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
