I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
