the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
