So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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