all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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