OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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