I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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