I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
someone owes me an orgasm
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
