I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
