we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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