I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
