i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
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