You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
