I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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