You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
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