Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
