Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
