I'm drive I can fine osifer
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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